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His mother is the first introduction Antonio had to his religious identity. All his life he only knows what his mother forced onto him. With this formalized religion, he feels as if it is the only accepted religion and the only God he should follow and abide to. Especially since his mother continues to pressure Antonio to be a priest and never sin, he is always pressured. Yet at the same time, Florence tells Antonio that (2nd quote). Antonio has always been asking himself the same question. He believes that god is too punishing and hardly ever forgives anyone of the sins they have committed. He turns out to be progressively frustrated by the negligence of the church to clarify the questions concerning ethical quality and human experience. Antonio is told that communion and God would be the answer to all questions, yet Antonio only sees the evil within God. Thus, causing conflict and confusion as he is told he would achieve all his answers through the church and still has yet to understand the ways of God.

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Continuously questioning the church, Antonio starts to notice the weakness the church truly holds in his life. With no evidence of the physical power the church holds, he starts to become more interested in the magical world Ultima holds. After seeing the healing powers Ultima contains, Antonio starts to doubt the church in the powers it claims to contain. At the point when Ultima effectively fixes Lucas, Antonio comes to understand that Ultima’s magic is both legitimate and separate from the Catholic Church. Antonio’s acknowledgment that the church doesn’t have a similar sort of intensity as Ultima proposes to him that believing in the church might not be so effective at all. Because there is no living proof of God’s miracles, Antonio is conflicted whether to trust in the church ways or trust in Ultimas blessings.

At this point, after witnessing the golden carp, he is not too worried about sinning and going against his God that he believed in. Antonio sees the Golden Carp for the first time and realizes that it’s more like a holy figure than everyone believed. This new pagan god is as amazing to Antonio as the Catholic God, which gives Antonio inner conflict. He’s seen the truth from Ultimas power, and the possibility of the Golden carp just strengthens the possibility of something different out there other than what he’s found out from his mom and in the church.  

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Essay on Religion in ‘Bless Me Ultima’.
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