I wouldn’t have thought I would be prepared for the new normal the Coronavirus pandemic presents to the very large collective, of humans around the globe. But I was a victim of sex crimes at work on a very hot day in July 2018 and have learned that developing new interests, seeking expert help for anxiety and depression, occasional sadness and the need to be mindful are my new normal.
When therapists told me my life would change forever, I initially rejected that prediction. Over time I began to be open to it. So long as it’s for the better, I’d say. At the time, all I could think was, What could be remotely normal about transforming from being a very confident, award-winning journalist, artist, and lawyer with high self-esteem to a survivor of sex crimes in an urban library setting with intermittent interest in reading and writing? I don’t want a new normal.
Initially, I wrestled with my new life. I didn’t think I was like other survivors. I didn’t embrace therapy. I couldn’t see myself crying when I spoke about the incident ten years later. I’ve learned that nothing is further from the truth. I’m unique as are other survivors, women, men, boys, and girls.
And wherever my life is today is my normal. My normal went from being a strong black woman who didn’t think she needed therapy, very driven, and fearless to a life of healing, therapy, and writing when I wanted to.
Valleys in life’s journey happen. Some rotate the trek of life 180 degrees. A longtime lover wants out of the relationship and moves out leaving you with bills you can’t afford, an unplanned pregnancy announcement, or as in my life, a man grabs your buttocks, masturbates in front of you, and chases you around a desk, followed by PTSD when you planned to finish a memoir, revise a manuscript for a novel, work on a portfolio of art to submit to agents. These are seeds, the stinky stuff that pushes your life in a completely different direction sometimes when you least expected it or are least prepared. We can’t get to the mountain without them.
Some big changes are self-made like ending a relationship, seeking help to get out of an abusive relationship, or for a teenage child, who is addicted to drugs. These situations require behaving differently in order to finally move on from the lover or abusive partner or to help a loved one. Maybe you got a promotion and it involves working with a manager who lacks leadership skills. You have great motives and goals, but the new emotional places in which you’ll find yourself might feel strange or uncomfortable. But this too is fertilizer so we can grow.
When you settle into your new life you find yourself in a new normal.
The pandemic has brought people around the globe to a new normal. We must wear masks not to protect ourselves but to protect others, though in some parts of the world like Japan, this was already normal. Before now a lot of people haven’t thought much about social responsibility for another person before now and social distancing while maintaining familial, spiritual, and social connections. For a long time I resisted video chatting, limiting it and choosing to hang out with friends at restaurants, cultural events, and gatherings, and to visit family and do art with my young nieces and nephews.
The pandemic brings us all face to face with a new normal.
The pandemic also brings fear and anxiety up close. Stress and coping with fears and anxiety are a constant in my new normal. To do so my new life includes therapy, nurturing myself, being compassionate with myself, and meeting me where I am today.
Like PTSD, the pandemic will change you and no matter how resistant you are to the change or how hard it is to accept it, it can make you stronger, a better person for yourself and others, and healthier, if you are open. It will equip you to live in the moment and one day help another person, maybe your child niece, or nephew, settle into her new normal.
Remember, be kind to yourself if you expect you to be kind to you.
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