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I never thought I’d miss those early morning four-hour summer practices, running in circles for twenty minutes around the parking lot followed by fifteen sprints, there and back, but I do. I never imagined missing hours of repetitive routines over and over again, but I do.
April 30, 2019. I have dreaded this day since I was a little girl. This was the day that my gymnastics career ended, and life as I knew it completely changed. I tried not to think about it too often, so I don’t actually know what I should have expected. Giving up the sport that means everything is not easy. I could not even begin to imagine what my world would be like without gymnastics until it was too late.
Life is, without a doubt, very different. Those long, exhausting practices? They make me satisfied in the end. Hours of nonstop cardio? It left me feeling strangely energetic. Each practice I would walk out knowing that I’ve accomplished more in those few hours than most people will in a day.
My love for gymnastics lasted fifteen years, but the lessons I’ve learned will last forever. What are those lessons you ask? How to work as a team and cheer each other on. How to manage my time efficiently: handling loads of homework every night, studying for tests, all while being an athlete is no simple task. To be completely dedicated to something and stay true to my commitments. To set goals and to work my hardest to achieve them. To not give up when things seem unattainable. Confidence and resilience. A person cannot perform in front of hundreds of people without this. And most importantly, failure. I failed every single day, at practice, at meets, eventually causing me to accept that it is okay to fail and to get back up and learn from it.
Gymnastics taught me how to decide if something is worthy. I put my social life aside for years because I was constantly at the gym. Any time I was asked to go out, my answer was consistent “Sorry I have gymnastics practice”. After a while, people stopped asking me to do things. Accepting this was hard for me. I learned to be invincible, allowing nothing to stop me. From competing through a fractured spine for nearly an entire season to more broken fingers and toes than I can count, this sport put me to the test over and over again, and for that, I will be forever grateful.
Watching my family and friends watch me at competitions was so rewarding. Hearing my name called for a first place made all the sacrifice and exhaustion worth it. I miss the gym as my happy place. I miss feeling the chalk in between my fingers and toes, sometimes even in my mouth. When I stepped into the gym each day, everything else disappeared for those few hours. Without it, part of me feels empty. Some days I go about my day without noticing the emptiness; I spend other days wishing I hadn’t retired.
I fear that this feeling will never go away, but I am learning to move past that. This sport will forever be a part of who I am. For better or for worse, I have to discover the real me without it. Although I have not yet discovered my new passion, I will be ready for whatever life brings me next.
Thank you, gymnastics, for giving me the best life possible. You taught me that good things come to those who work hard and earn them, so I never half-ass any task. Thank you for showing me what dedication looks like. However, I probably should’ve stayed home when I had mono that year during competition season. Now I know what it’s like to be completely in love with something, and thank you, gymnastics, for allowing me to thrive.
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